Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
