I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
