How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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