Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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