went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
