I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
