She said her name was "party"
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
