you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
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I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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