Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
