College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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