alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
