Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
