im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
