we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
