my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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