Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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