Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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