She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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