Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
