dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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