But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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