I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
