ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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