Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
