Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
