You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
