did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
