a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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