She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
