so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
