battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
