he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
