I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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