i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
