I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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