I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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