he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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