Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
