were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
