Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
