I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
