I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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