I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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