I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
