Pappa wants mamma naked
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i now understand why vodka
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
