new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
