If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
