Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
