That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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