I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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