I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize