My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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