Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
