the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
