I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
