you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
