my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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