it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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