so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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