soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The power of my boobs compel you
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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