while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
