yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
