im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
