Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize