I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
