around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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