I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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