you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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