There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
