Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
