True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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