New invention idea: vibrating tampons
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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