I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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