does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
