The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
