dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
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So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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