Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Randomize
