It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
