Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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