It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
