Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We're too hungover to prance.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
