DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
