I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
