just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
