i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
